71 miles an hour

It's been about 4 months since my last blog and man has life changed in that time. The most exciting thing is that I now have 10 piano lesson students that I teach every week. That's 25% of my goal. In order for me to have enough money without working another job I would have to have 40 students or more.

I'm planning a holiday recital for my kiddos. Everyone will get to dress up and perform 2 songs for their friends and family. It's gonna be a great time and I'm really looking forward to it.

I'm going to have to change the name of this blog so that it aligns with my general course of life more closely. I thought I was being creative giving it a theme that was different than most, but it just made it difficult for me to write. Instead of just sharing my thoughts and life experiences, it was more like an online English class where I had to prepare an essay on a pre-designated topic.

All in all things in my life are going very well. I have a job that I like with an almost guaranteed promotion on the way. I have a handful of awesome girlfriends that I can count on. I now have a roommate who I love and get along with very well. And family things, though rocky, are not as bad as they were over the summer.

I still don't have a man in my life, but for the most part I think I'm ok with that for now. The sad part about it is, if I continue in the same path of life that I'm currently on I'm not going to meet anyone. Unless they magically check out at my register and fell in love with me (not going to happen). I know people say it's a God thing, or it's a destiny thing, so basically it'll happen when it happens and it's meant to be....but....I feel like I should be proactive in this arena. I just don't know what that would look like. I mean I've tried online dating websites (the free ones SUCK). I've gone out with my roommate to pool halls (BAD idea) I guess I just miss the time when I was in school and there were plenty of guys to choose from at all times. And then the semester would change, you'd get new classes and meet new guys...yeah I miss that about college.
Then again who's to say I shouldn't be single for the next couple of years. With the exception of a 4 month relationship, I've been single for 5 years so I guess I could just keep doing that.

Well I'm gonna go put on the new guitar strings that I just bought!

Hasta la vista baby

Something Different

Well this alphabetically organized blog was going well for awhile, but now I don't have Facebook which means I have no where to publicly advertise my blog. So for now this will be my safe haven for my emotions.

I have no friends, I don't feel close to my family so I guess I'm left to talk to an unknown audience. Maybe it's what I need for now, but not forever.

Grey's Anatomy is the only show I've ever watched that has the capability to make me feel every emotion under the sun in under 60 minutes. I laugh with the characters jokes, cry about the unfortunate story lines and rejoice when break-throughs are made. I definitely internalize the plot much deeper than was probably intended, but it works for me. I can't go more than 2 episodes without tying some event in the show to my lack of parents. I wish they were here, I really do. I can tell people all day long that I'm a stronger person because I've learned to live without them, but at the end of the day all I wish is to have my mom brush my hair and tell me stories about guys she dated in high school and how crazy her professors were in college. I want to go fishing with my dad, deep sea fishing. Risking the possibility of getting sick just to spend some quality time with my old man and dig up creatures of the sea.

Now that I live by myself in my house I don't have the luxury of conversation with anyone in the evenings. Where previously I may have shut my door in my four bedroom/3 roommate apartment, I now dread the silence I have to come home to in my 3 bedroom home. There's no pretty paint on the walls, no silly pictures taped to the ceiling, just a plain, boring house with nothing but Pandora to lessen the silence.

Today I came to the realization that the one person I thought I could count on, the one friend I thought I'd have forever, no longer wants to speak to me. I guess I should've expected it. I have a harsh personality once I let my walls down and most people can't handle it. Therefore the lack of friends. And I don't mean that I don't have close friends, I mean I have NO ONE at all that I can call up on a Friday night just to come over and watch a movie; no one to make a fancy dinner for or go dress shopping with. It's probably time that I made some sort of effort to find friends, it's just something I've never had to do before. I always had school to provide those people for me. Now I just work. And 80% of my coworkers are over the age of 40. Not that I have anything against older people, but it would be nice to have friends my age. I don't think that's asking too much. Is it? Whatever the case, I can see my current path leading me down a road of unneeded and undeserved depression. Maybe I can halt this train before it gets too far down the road. The only option I see right now is to go to a church that has a large group of people in their 20's and get plugged into a small group. Christian friends would be nice. I haven't had those in a while either.

I use all my free time outside of work to get better on the piano. I've made the decision to audition to UT's school of music this November and now's the time to start preparing for that. It's a great stress reliever, but it doesn't satisfy me. Or at least it doesn't satiate my need for company.

Well this isn't a paper, so it's not gonna get a concise conclusion to tie everything together...just my emotions, laid out bear for whoever may stumble across this page. May you gain something from reading this.

-Brittney

G is for Green

Green is the color of the pair of 7 lb weights I bought a couple months ago. I bought them at the same time I bought new sports bras and nike running shorts. Unfortunately, the weights are still sitting on my kitchen table where I left them the day I bought them.

My efforts to workout have been slim to none. I recently acquired an elliptical as well, and well, it's also sitting untouched in my living room. It's not that I don't want to exercise and lose weight, I really do. But like anything else, it takes time to build a habit in one's life. At least I spend 8 hours a day walking around my store at work...something's better than nothing right???
I am going to be getting a roommate soon and I'm hoping she's athletically proactive and will inspire/encourage me to some physical workouts every once in awhile.
My goal is to lost 20 lbs by December 22 (my best friend's 21st birthday). That would mean 3 lbs a month. I think that's more than doable, maybe even too small a goal, but I'd rather succeed in something small, than come up short at the end and be disappointed.
I don't want to do any diet pills, or quick weight loss schemes. Just good ol' fashioned diet regulation and routine physical activity. I'm not sure which of those is going to be harder. I love to eat and I hate to work out...probably not the best footing to start off on, but that's what I'm going to have to work with. It helps that my funds are limited so I can't really afford to eat out (ever) and I have to carefully plan what groceries I buy (no more expensive juices and syrup or precut pineapples) only the "essentials".
I've slowly been reworking my eating plan. I've almost cut out all fast food (excluding Starbucks paninis and turkey bacon breakfast sandwich) and that's big for me. There was a time in my life where my limbs would go numb on a daily basis and I was convinced it was because my arteries were so clogged from excessive fast food (avg 15 times a week!!!)
I know I can't expect changes overnight, but every girl wants her "summer body". A physique acceptable in a decent swimsuit. Maybe I won't get that this year, but I can pave the wave for next year. Or I could just prance around in my swimsuit in the middle of December :P
Well this has been a fun one to write, sorry it took me a week to get back to this. Hopefully I will follow this with a little more regularity.
Good day to all!

F is for Fuchsia

Fuchsia is the color of the dress that actress Isla Fisher wears in the movie Confessions of a Shopaholic. From the first time I saw this movie I loved it, but every time I get into a tight spot with money I watch it again. It serves as a reminder to me of how dangerous debt can be and it's a cute movie as well.

Now there have been times when I thought I had no money; when I was in debt and things seemed pretty bad. Well now I've proven things can get worse. I've never had to live "paycheck to paycheck" or look at the price of milk and bread and go for the less expensive one. But after a year of unwise spending and no saving, I've gotten myself into a hole thats too big to dig myself out of. 

I honestly don't even know where to go from here. The obvious answer is to stop spending and pay off all my credit cards, but what are you suppose to do when you don't even make enough money to pay bills and eat. I won't be able to keep my job if I don't have the gas to drive to it. I'm facing many hard decisions right now and unfortunately, I don't know the answers. One step at a time, right? One day at a time? 

I am thankful that I have a job, not my ideal career, but a job for the time being. It just seems like everything is a vicious circle though. For example: I have a retail job because I don't have a degree. I don't have a degree because I haven't finished college. I haven't finished college because I can't pay for it. I can't pay for it because I work a retail job. And you can see how this goes round and round. 

I know a movie is just a movie, but I habitually over-internalize every movie I see. From Confessions of a Shopaholic, I relate to seemingly unending bills and shortage of income. And unlike the girl in the green scarf, I do not own $10,000 worth of clothes and accessories to sell and auction off. But what I do have is a brain, and I suppose if I would use it more often and make wise decisions on how to spend/save my money I won't ever let myself get into this position again.

E is for Emerald

Ok so I know in the last post I said I was going to use electric green as my color of choice for the letter E, but after staring at a blank screen for 15 minutes and then proceeding to google about things that were "electric green" I decided to go for a more common color: emerald.

This is the color that my cousin Veronica chose for her bridesmaids' dresses in her wedding this past weekend. I really like the dress, just don't know if/when I'll ever wear it again. Bridesmaids dresses are always like that though aren't they? They'll look beautiful in all the coordinated and planned photo shots, but the true test of the dress is after the ceremony. When you're walking around at the reception pulling up the top of a strapless dress to keep it from falling, or picking it up off the ground so as not to tear and tatter the bottom hem. I can't name one bridesmaid's dress I've worn that was made for comfort. But I guess that's not the point of the evening. The purpose of the bridesmaids is to make the bride feel at ease on one of the biggest days of her life; to zip up her dress, repin a loose hair, and in my case, carry her train down the aisle. I've often thought about who I'd have as bridesmaids in my future wedding. I know I'd have some family members, but when it comes to friends, I'd want to choose someone who I'd still be in contact with 10-15 years later. Someone who'd also be there to celebrate the birth of my first child or help me make decisions when I want to redo all the cabinets in my kitchen. But life is so fleeting, a bff today could move far away, or one day decide my friendship is no longer beneficial in their life. Only time will tell. Good thing is I'm not planning a wedding any time in the near future so I still have plenty of time to think of that. Until then, I'll enjoy celebrating my friends weddings and if I'm fortunate enough, be a special part of their big day!

D is for Dandelion

Ok so this is kinda cheating...I know a dandelion is a flower, but it's also a crayon color so I'm going to use it.

Dandelion is the color of my ethernet cable that I use in my house thanks to AT&T

I had more trouble setting up this internet than anything else. About 2 months ago I received my first delivery of the wireless modem from AT&T. I waited until my designated registration time and attempted to put it all together. I even invited my friend Daniel over for assistance in case I couldn't figure it out myself. After a couple of failed attempts at connecting all the wires together Daniel called the 1-800 number listed on the contents package. He spent about 10 minutes on the phone and ended the conversation when AT&T said they'd send a technician out later the same week.

My visit from the AT&T technician went well. He basically said something on the outside of the house had not been connected properly so there was no way that I could've gotten the internet started on my own (go figure).

Everything worked wonderfully until I left the house for a couple days. When I came home the wireless light on my modem wasn't green like it was suppose to be, it wasn't on at all! :(

I immediately got on the phone with AT&T again and after 10 minutes of talking to an automated machine I finally reached a representative. The guy said they'd send another modem out because my first one was most likely defective (wonderful!)

I received the new one 3 days later, put everything together and it worked on the first time. But when I left for a few days I came back to find the wireless light off again. After getting angry and calling AT&T again, the new representative I spoke with found out that I need to keep the ethernet cord plugged into the modem, even if I'm not using it, just so the modem knows that something wants to connect to it.

All that to say, I now have a reliable source of wireless internet and the responsible party is my dandelion colored ethernet cable!

Have a good day y'all and tune in tomorrow for "E is for Electric Green"

C is for Crimson

The only time I've ever heard this color referenced is in the Bible. Depending on what translation you read from, crimson is used several times in the Bible. The verse that comes to mind for me is the following...

This morning I woke up to my door bell ringing, I was still mid slumber as I hurriedly walk to the door while simultaneously putting on a sweatshirt. I opened the door to find two nicely dressed ladies (whom I correctly assumed were Jehovah Witnesses) wanting to share some articles with me. They were discussing religion and politics and one of the ladies proceeded to share some verses with me from John and 2 Timothy. After their 5 minute presentation I accepted the 2 magazines they gave me and closed the door. I sadly realized that was the first time I had seen the inside of a Bible in who knows how long. I probably own 5-6 Bibles in different translations and languages but do I take the time to read them? That would be a no. In the last couple months I started going back to church after a 4 year hiatus. But the practice of daily Bible reading has yet to become present in my life. Perhaps this verse in Isaiah comes to mind because I need to know, personally, that my sins cannot be absolved on their own. But more than that, it's a reminder that God's power of restoration is greater than any of my futile attempts. I desire to be pure as snow, white as wool, and with God's forgiveness I know it's possible.

B is for Brown

When I think of brown I think of the crayon I had to always use when making self portraits in elementary. While some of the other girls were using the yellow, blue, green, red, I used brown...for my eyes, for my hair, for my skin. I could only get creative when I'd draw my clothes. I was usually wearing a purple or red dress with a heart in the middle of it.

Brown is also the color of my mom's upright piano that now sits in my home. Piano is the daily vacation of my life. No matter what time I get home from work, I'll always spend a little time tickling the ivories. There's just something so soothing and relaxing about making music. Recently I played 45 minutes of background music for my grandma's funeral service. I think most people saw me up there and heard what I was playing, but others told me they didn't even realize the music was live; that I blended so well into the scene and the music just flowed naturally like everything was meant to be. Using my music, I was able to help facilitate a peaceful environment that would be the last time we would all say goodbye to our grandma. The power of music is unexplainable, the peace of music is undeniable, and my passion for music is unbreakable. I will continue to play piano until my dying breath, knowing that music will also carry me into the world to come. 

A is for Aqua

Well here begins my first ever blog, a webpage to call my own, a safe home for my creative thoughts and writing endeavors. I have chosen to organize these posts alphabetically. I figure it'll be easy for me to find later when I wanna go back and read through stuff and give an interesting format to this page.

So the first round I'm starting is colors:

A is for aqua

When I think of aqua I think of the ocean, more specifically South Padre Island. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I didn't see the ocean blue in any given year of my life. It seems like every summer in my early ages I was in my swimsuit on the edge of the water making what my dad called "drip castles". As I got older dad would take me fishing on the ocean and I distinctly remember catching a hammerhead shark around the age of 6 or 7. Then there was middle school when my family owned a condo on the beach, Suntide III. One of my favorites was when my friends Jacqui and Sarah came with the family to South Padre and we took modeling pictures on our balcony. In the most recent times I have gone parasailing, bayfishing, and the ever popular (and most cost effective) body boarding. As I write this, I have a strong notion that I'll soon be planning a late summer vacation to go spend at the beach with my best friend Jose. Maybe someday a time will come when I will wake up every morning to the sight of the aqua blue from my back porch.