Something Different

Well this alphabetically organized blog was going well for awhile, but now I don't have Facebook which means I have no where to publicly advertise my blog. So for now this will be my safe haven for my emotions.

I have no friends, I don't feel close to my family so I guess I'm left to talk to an unknown audience. Maybe it's what I need for now, but not forever.

Grey's Anatomy is the only show I've ever watched that has the capability to make me feel every emotion under the sun in under 60 minutes. I laugh with the characters jokes, cry about the unfortunate story lines and rejoice when break-throughs are made. I definitely internalize the plot much deeper than was probably intended, but it works for me. I can't go more than 2 episodes without tying some event in the show to my lack of parents. I wish they were here, I really do. I can tell people all day long that I'm a stronger person because I've learned to live without them, but at the end of the day all I wish is to have my mom brush my hair and tell me stories about guys she dated in high school and how crazy her professors were in college. I want to go fishing with my dad, deep sea fishing. Risking the possibility of getting sick just to spend some quality time with my old man and dig up creatures of the sea.

Now that I live by myself in my house I don't have the luxury of conversation with anyone in the evenings. Where previously I may have shut my door in my four bedroom/3 roommate apartment, I now dread the silence I have to come home to in my 3 bedroom home. There's no pretty paint on the walls, no silly pictures taped to the ceiling, just a plain, boring house with nothing but Pandora to lessen the silence.

Today I came to the realization that the one person I thought I could count on, the one friend I thought I'd have forever, no longer wants to speak to me. I guess I should've expected it. I have a harsh personality once I let my walls down and most people can't handle it. Therefore the lack of friends. And I don't mean that I don't have close friends, I mean I have NO ONE at all that I can call up on a Friday night just to come over and watch a movie; no one to make a fancy dinner for or go dress shopping with. It's probably time that I made some sort of effort to find friends, it's just something I've never had to do before. I always had school to provide those people for me. Now I just work. And 80% of my coworkers are over the age of 40. Not that I have anything against older people, but it would be nice to have friends my age. I don't think that's asking too much. Is it? Whatever the case, I can see my current path leading me down a road of unneeded and undeserved depression. Maybe I can halt this train before it gets too far down the road. The only option I see right now is to go to a church that has a large group of people in their 20's and get plugged into a small group. Christian friends would be nice. I haven't had those in a while either.

I use all my free time outside of work to get better on the piano. I've made the decision to audition to UT's school of music this November and now's the time to start preparing for that. It's a great stress reliever, but it doesn't satisfy me. Or at least it doesn't satiate my need for company.

Well this isn't a paper, so it's not gonna get a concise conclusion to tie everything together...just my emotions, laid out bear for whoever may stumble across this page. May you gain something from reading this.

-Brittney

G is for Green

Green is the color of the pair of 7 lb weights I bought a couple months ago. I bought them at the same time I bought new sports bras and nike running shorts. Unfortunately, the weights are still sitting on my kitchen table where I left them the day I bought them.

My efforts to workout have been slim to none. I recently acquired an elliptical as well, and well, it's also sitting untouched in my living room. It's not that I don't want to exercise and lose weight, I really do. But like anything else, it takes time to build a habit in one's life. At least I spend 8 hours a day walking around my store at work...something's better than nothing right???
I am going to be getting a roommate soon and I'm hoping she's athletically proactive and will inspire/encourage me to some physical workouts every once in awhile.
My goal is to lost 20 lbs by December 22 (my best friend's 21st birthday). That would mean 3 lbs a month. I think that's more than doable, maybe even too small a goal, but I'd rather succeed in something small, than come up short at the end and be disappointed.
I don't want to do any diet pills, or quick weight loss schemes. Just good ol' fashioned diet regulation and routine physical activity. I'm not sure which of those is going to be harder. I love to eat and I hate to work out...probably not the best footing to start off on, but that's what I'm going to have to work with. It helps that my funds are limited so I can't really afford to eat out (ever) and I have to carefully plan what groceries I buy (no more expensive juices and syrup or precut pineapples) only the "essentials".
I've slowly been reworking my eating plan. I've almost cut out all fast food (excluding Starbucks paninis and turkey bacon breakfast sandwich) and that's big for me. There was a time in my life where my limbs would go numb on a daily basis and I was convinced it was because my arteries were so clogged from excessive fast food (avg 15 times a week!!!)
I know I can't expect changes overnight, but every girl wants her "summer body". A physique acceptable in a decent swimsuit. Maybe I won't get that this year, but I can pave the wave for next year. Or I could just prance around in my swimsuit in the middle of December :P
Well this has been a fun one to write, sorry it took me a week to get back to this. Hopefully I will follow this with a little more regularity.
Good day to all!